Reminiscing my college days today and how thankful I am that even though I was from a different campus and transferred to UP Manila I was lucky enough to meet great people who adopted me and cared for me during my college years. You all made my college life way easier to bear.

I would like to type everything in detail here but I’m afraid that in the middle of all my musings I lose the essence of this post so I’ll just get to the point.

First and foremost, thank you to Sanoelk and Najeen who helped me transition from UP Baguio to UP Manila. Super thank you to Nicko kasi kahit di kami blockmates at di din kami close sa UP Baguio he’s kind enough to let me follow him around especially kung first few days (or months) naming sa Manila. 

To block 2 (Ton, Fai, Anne, Karen, Blythe, Arlene, Sithli, Ian, Randyh, Lovely, Alaine, Lala and Val) for letting me tag along with them in and out of class. Yung pagdamay sa akin sa mga schedule ninyo ng classes every registration, letting me join you for breaks/ reviews/ lunch. Kahit na magkakasama na kayo for a year before your adopted us (Nicko and I) e at least parang normal classmates nyo pa din kami. I’ll always treasure the Gray’s Anatomy + pancit sessions with you guys.

Special thanks to Ian, Sithli and Randyh dahil I think sa inyo talaga ako naging close althroughout college. To Ton, my dorm mate, for pulling me aside every exam and asking me to join him pag nagrereview sya. Di ko alam if makakapasa ako ng Bio without your help and without passively learning from you everytime magrereview ka. To Blythe for letting me be your thesis partner kahit na wala kong idea sa magiging thesis natin nun at kung pano natin tatapusin yun. Pati na din for patiently dealing with me lalo na sa mag days na kailangan nation pumasok for thesis kahit summer break.

Thank you din sa kay Jaja, Zeti, Sheen and other peeps from block 1. Ang saya nyo kasama in and outside of classes. Thank you!

To Chuck, at least nagkaron aka ng travel buddy pag mag LRT ako pauwi to Rizal. Para sa batang di marunong magcommute tas nagaral sa Manila ang laking tulong ng may kasabay umuwi. To Andro din sa pagsabay sa akin pauwi especially tuwing post biogyugan overnight kila Tomi sa Alabang. Natuwa talaga ko nung nalaman kong relatively may kapit bahay ako sa mga classmates ko na everytime ata may dadayo sa baya sinasabi kong taga dun ka din. haha

To my seniors, esp. ate Mai at ate Ivy na room mates ko for the longest time. Thank you for helping me cope with the UP Manila culture. To kuya Bon, kuya Ron, ate Adel, ate Joa and ate Matet, wala po talaga ako plano sumali ng org kung college pero pinilit ako ni Chuck dahil officer sya ng QED/BSS nun. Buti na lang kayo yung kasama nyang officers nun at least di kayo scary people… haha. 

Thank you din sa mga juniors namin na naging classmates ko din sa ilang subjects or electives ko esp. Carlo, Tel, Alec, Ralph, at marami pang iba. 

Sa mga iba ko pang BioMan seniors na di ko man nakausap or naging kaclose nung college pero tinulungan ako during residency sa PGH. Super thank you sir Dax, sir JayR at sir Micko! Nagulat ako nung kinausap nyo ako kasi all the while ang alam ko di nyo ako kilala. haha

Sa mga teachers ko din na hanggang ngayon e nakakainteract ko pa din in one way or another. Hello po sa inyo. I’ll always be thankful for your guidance lalong lalo na kay Maam Len, Sir Sam, Sir Robi and Sir Li.

While typing this narealize ko na sa liit ng UP Bio ng UP Manila ang dami ko din palang memories at mag nakilala during my stay dun. Nakakatuwa. So far wala na ako masyado maalala na negative thoughts about college although di ko alam if selective amnesia yun. Nonetheless, I’m thankful for college and for college colletgues and friends.

I have a lot of thoughts in my mind but what interests me most is that most of the time amidst all of my random thoughts I came to think about pain fellowship. Yes, in the midst of having cluttered thoughts there goes my thoughts about having pain medicine fellowship- the only thing that makes my not so organized thinking quite definite and organized.

When I am still under anesthesia training, I am interested in a lot of things- critical care, cardiac, pain, research, and simulation. All the road less traveled sub-specialties of my profession. I seriously wanted to pursue further career in these sub-specialties. Even during my clinical anesthesia fellowship, I am so perplexed if I should settle into one subspecialty since I probably won’t be able to take all of these besides I am not that young anymore. However, despite all the thinking I never reached a conclusion… Not until recently, when almost all my thoughts end up with pain medicine.

I had the privilege to choose some of my rotations during my clinical anesthesia fellowship and I was really lucky that they granted my wish to have many pain rotations. During those rotations, I seriously get excited whenever I can get a chance to see my consultants do interventional pain and regional anesthesia procedures. I swear, those were one of the highlights of my pain exposure. I have never seen one during my anesthesia training since our pain rotations mostly revolve in the pain clinic - medically managing patients but no procedures are done. Our medications used were also limited mostly is morphine.

I wanted to rant and tell all of this to one of my fellowship consultants, but I am hesitant to do so. One of my fellowship consultants told me before that I overthink and that is what’s happening right now so I ended up typing all of what’s in my head instead of messaging my consultant.

The idea of doing a pain fellowship - how, where, and when will I do it is still so unclear but I seriously want more clarity of thoughts and direction regarding my career path right now. 

Having these thoughts at 34 is really so frustrating.